WHAT THE FUCK?!
WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!
Out of mind.
Time to start buckling down.
Test this week in Experimental statistics, English final draft due tomorrow and my first short story due Thursday. Goddammit, I’m going to either kick some ass or fail miserably.
I don’t think I’ll be running to go get Sean as much anymore, especially since he didn’t call me to go get him last night, so I think it’s the beginning of the end of that mess. We had good times though. So now I can actually start attending class regularly because I’ll be getting enough sleep and all that good stuff as well as attend class because I won’t be tempted to stay around him.
Also, I might finally be getting a bed. Joy. Joy and praises.
EDIT FOR ANY CREEPERS: Failed miserably. Still bringing Sean to work daily. Fuck.
Got caught up on /r/trees. Lost an hour.
It’s weird. I don’t think I’ve ever felt fully rested in a long time. Like, after you turn 15, you never feel energized ever again. There’s always some sense of exhaustion no matter how much or how little you sleep. You’ll never recover that zen again. However, I am starting to miss sleeping on an actual bed instead of a futon. I think that’s why I like sleeping at Sean’s place, sans neglecting my dog in the process. I just crash on Sean’s bed and bam, in heaven. Also, great high sex that we have is always welcomed. It’s just so great. Things in my life are going splendidly, besides not going to class which sucks, but I really don’t have motivation to go to any besides my psych class. The two English classes I’m taking are a joke when it comes to class work, but I did fail a German test today, so I should start going to that. Not to mention the homework and essays that are still due for that class that I haven’t completed yet. Shit.
Things between Sean and I are pretty vegan kosher, which is weird, but not weird in the strange, unwanted sense, but just in the “Well this is new” sense. I’m used to getting treated less-than-spectacularly by him, so with him being nice, laughing and joking with me, it’s a welcomed thing. And it’s not TOTALLY his fault that he does that (I know he’s going to read this in a week or two and give me that “UGH!” face he does where he laughs and gets frustrated at the same time) but instead I sort of do it to myself. I still fuck him, I still go bring him to work, I still open myself up to that sort of thing. It’s just the person I am. And while my heart may not be in it 100%, there’s still a bit of me that cares.
I guess I’m just going with it. I’m not tying myself down to him (hence the lack of a desire for a committed relationship on both our parts) and I’m not going to wait around. If something better comes along and I find myself smitten by some new thing, then I’ll go with that gladly. But for now, I like the setup I have for myself now. Gah! It’s just so weird! Like euphoric, kind of! It’s like when you’re high and you feel a slight vibration over your skin and you can’t shake it off. But it’s like that all the time now. Like the second right before you orgasm. Yeah! That feeling! And I always just commentate on it aloud around him saying “That’s so weird” but I don’t mean it in a bad way. I mean it in a way that I like it. It’s new.
And slowly becoming broke. Luckily, Sean owes me just at 200$ and I get paid this week. Yay.
Also more weed.
Also also, Red Star Bar this Friday to see the Widowers and Matt.
God, I’ve listened to that song a lot lately.
Anyway. It’s 5am and Sean’s still at my apartment and hasn’t slept since 9am today. He has work at 4:45—which I’m bringing him to, mind you—and he’s going to crash and I’m just waiting.
In the last two weeks, I’ve bought and or cooked all his meals, sex, and driven a half an hour each way to go get him and stuff, paid his phone bills and am in the process of fixing his bike. So he owes me about 200$. Whoever says I’m not a giving person is full of shit. I’m a great and giving person. Dammit.
Unrelated, I think my breath still smells like dick. Ew.
Related, fellas, if you want to be a fuckbuddy or a boyfriend, these are all the perks you can get and MORE!
In other news, everything is going to plan (or so it seems) with the other scheme I’m scheming so neh heheh. Nefarious laughter.